06/12/2006

As I sit here i know that I am trapped. I'm trapped here inside my head, my thoughts keep swirling, while my body is dead. 

I'll save myself, I depend on me. I know you're a fool, for that I have seen.

Don't come here you know that I am gone. Where I'm at you'll never have the pleasure of seeing...I created it myself and it'll scare you into fleeing. 

You don't understand who I am. I am ever-changing and all too grim. I'm on a mission to create a different prospective. If you see through these eyes you'll see how i really live. 

My call to Action

Today, February 12, 2020, I am taking the steps I need in order to make myself and my family happier.
I am ready to start contributing to my family, community, and the world. I need to reconnect with my true self. I am like a shadow of who I once was, and who I dreamed I would become. I've let myself become a victim in my life and it's turned me into someone I was never supposed to be.
I needed to go through the good, the bad, the insane, and some really devastating and amazing things that I've been through to come to this point in time right now. To determine who I am. Who and where I come from and if I want to sit and live a life of the same stagnation or do I want to leave my mark on the world.
I'm still child like. I think it's good, but I have wasted so much time trying to go for things in life, that I've lost a lot of opportunity and let go of some really good careers. I always thought I would be taken care of, that I would live a materialist and never worry about anything. I am so very lucky, my mom and dad are wonderful and they always have been. They took such good care of me as a child I always thought it would be like that. To an extent it is, my parents would do anything for my family.
I just want them to see me doing everything I can for my family and supporting them without any help from them.
I'm so blessed, and I know what I need to do and I have the courage to do it. Now, today is the first day to start my new path.

Thoughts

These thoughts that run in my mind, I stop Isotopically Pure Platnium one ninty (190). That is to say they seem so different, crazy, highly unlikely. 

I say things aloud that are blunt or bizarre and that's just me putting it lightly.

My innermost thoughts I will not utter. I don't want to make you flinch and shudder. They are mine and mine only. You may think I am ate up or just lonely. Craving attention. Hah, if only. 

Don't you think the demons are sick of getting all the blame. Man up, own it, you're insane. I could be too, but my condition is just too ingrained. 

I still deal with the emotions and all the pain. 

Isotopically Pure Platnium 190, come find me. A dying breed i seem to be. The future is untold that much I forsee.  Fate is not set in stone. Paths are laid out and our choices are our own.  

WARRIOR

 My heart beats to the rhythm of a war drum. I enjoy night time, I stay with the shadows. I am kin to the characters of Poe.  I'm Trying to attain for all the misery I've caused, but it just seems like I'm traveling deeper and deeper while getting lost. 

Take me as I am. I try to be happy, but my outlook seems grim. I explain what's going on inside, you don't understand... you're too dim. This is a war only I can win. Sorry, you wouldn't understand the teachings of my ancestral kin. 

I know you think I'm crazy,  i guess it's a possibility... maybe? No, I'm just evolving.  Trying to put the pieces together, this puzzle I am solving. I know it seems so selfish of me but you can't comprehend the things I see. 

My heart beats to the rhythm of a war drum. I speak with the spirits, we are one. I forsee terrible things to come.  The visions that plague me at night cannot be undone. If you have no compassion then they've already won. 

"They," call themselves Master's of the Universe. What they've done is unleash a curse.  I promise it will only get worse.  Tolstoy was right, we must use anarchy we have to fight.  

Too bad most people are content with this world and how we live.   They're too conditioned, they have nothing to give. Anarchy without chaos is the only way, "that makes no sense," most will say. If you won't stand for what's right then i suggest you just pray.